Words, words, words

Hey all. I actually posted a week ago but then deleted it. I guess I was thinking it was too much rambling or inner thoughts that others might not have interest in. I thought maybe I should streamline the blog a little bit to make it more interesting. Then I got an amazing email from a friend I haven’t heard from in ages responding to that post. It’s too late to retrieve the post though. Well, that taught me my lesson. I won’t deleting anything anymore.

Anyways, so…..the other week I saw a Korean guy wearing a t-shirt that said “Death Frequency Narcotic.” I just thought that was the most intense and dark phrase I had heard in a while. I don’t know if it’s a band name or a lucky jumble of words. There are lots of t-shirts here that say really random things. For example, I just bought a t-shirt that says “Look at the facts, multi holder.” There’s a picture of a pair of glasses below the caption. I like it.

Been spending a lot of time alone lately. I don’t mind it so much. I like being with people but I like being alone too. I would feel better if I were more productive, but that’s nothing new. I’ve been transferring my entire CD library to iTunes which is taking forever. It’s cool to see all my music laid out though and to have such easy access to it. iTunes has been good to me too. I’m subscribed to many cool podcasts, such as “A Baha’i Perspective,” in which the host interviews Baha’is from all different countries and walks of life (being in a foreign country makes me notice cool English phrases like “walks of life”) and another one that teaches me how to beat-box!

I’ve also discovered some new bands that have rocked my world. In fact, I’ve discovered a whole new genre that I love and just fits like a glove. It’s a type of rock music called “Shoegaze.” It’s generally kind of dark or somber but also full of depth and beauty and emotion. It’s characterized by many harmonious sounds coming together to form a “wall of sound.” It’s called shoegaze because the guitarists are concentrating so much or are so shy and introspective that they’re looking down the whole time they perform. The quintessential shoegaze band is My Bloody Valentine. I can’t believe I haven’t listened to them before. Their album “Loveless” is a revelation! It’s like swimming in sound, coming across beautiful, lonely, haunting mermaids and seeing blurry seascapes coming in and out of focus through the waves. I’ve also discovered another band, actually an artist, that makes me feel the same way. His name is M83 and his album “Saturday=Youth” is really just so wonderful. It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve fallen in love with new albums—not just liked but fallen in love with.

I’ve also rediscovered artists I had been out of touch with. I’ve always loved the electronic music of Autechre but for 15 years I only had 3 albums. I just got a bunch more of their stuff and it’s A-MAZ-ing. I got my favorite from back in the day: KLF! (is gonna rock ya) I discovered Jack Johnson, who I love and, like everyone else, want to be. I also discovered The Verve. WOW! They are just so wonderful. I love The Verve!

There’s also cool radio stations on iTunes, like one that has awesome Drum ‘n Bass and another one that Lex turned me onto which is all actual recordings of radio broadcasts from the 1920s, commercials and all! I love that stuff!

Anyways, what else…I got an iPod shuffle, which is awesome. I got a sweet cell phone (finally.) Not that anyone calls me much yet, but not having much of a social life is par for the course at this point. I’m reading “Tuesdays With Morrie,” which is really awesome and spiritual. A coworker who is also very awesome and spiritual (and who I’ve shared the Faith with some and hope she wants to know and see more) gave it to me as a late birthday present.

Oh and tens of thousands of people in Sichuan province, China--where I used to live!—are mourning the loss of their beloved children and husbands and wives and parents and family members and friends. Tens of thousands of people in Myanmar are doing the same thing. And in Sudan. And in Iraq. Excuse me but DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH! Have you seen the photos coming out from the earthquake zone? Well you should. We should all see the evidence of the suffering that is crushing and haunting millions of our fellow humans. We need to see the truth. This world is in trouble. We may see the peril more clearly during our lifetimes. Things are getting worse and they will continue to get worse until we can no longer bear it. This is the darkness before the dawn.

Nevertheless here I remain in my shell of comfort and self-absorption. Sometimes I want to burn away my soul in the fire of sacrifice and love, to be dust beneath the feet of others, to see and hear and feel only my Lord. Other times I just want to be left alone. What can be done about this weakness? It’s amazing to think of how the next world will be and how this world is. Is there any contrast between two things in this world that can allude to it? It seems entirely natural that I should wish to be quit of this world and to soar up into my true home, yet there are decades and decades to go. I wish the Kingdom for all of us, for all the victims of disaster and crime. But we must wait. We must do all we can while we are here. God has chosen to establish His Kingdom here on Earth as well, but it will not be accomplished through miracles. It is being built by people. People like me, especially me because, unlike most people, I recognize the Manifestation of God for this age: Baha’u’llah.

It’s an exciting opportunity but also an overwhelming one, and I usually feel the latter more than the former. It’s just annoying. My mind is annoying and my heart is annoying. I want to feel focused all the time but so often I just feel the need to retreat. I don’t know.

I was just checking out this book online. It’s called “The Sociopath Next Door.” A sociopath is basically a person who has absolutely no conscience. Maybe they never have. I’m not sure. Anyways, the author says that studies have shown that it is likely that 4% of Americans are sociopaths. That’s 1 in every 25! That is terrifying! It sure would explain a lot though. Can it really be that many, that many people in the world? I can’t understand it. If you have no conscience then how is your soul at all connected to your body? Not sure where I’m going with this. Just was pretty arresting.

I think I’ve drained my brain for now. Thanks for reading! Love you, whoever you are!